I always knew showing and giving more love then someone deserves just lets them use it to their advantage. They abuse your love and soon you find yourself wondering where you went wrong. Today has been a rough day for me. I had forgotten a big lesson i had learnt ages ago until i was faced with todays situation.
Ill tell you the biggest problem i have experienced all my life. Caring about people too much. Dont want to hurt this person, dont want to hurt that person. Ive always held people higher than they deserved, they wanted to be held higher and higher, at the end i couldnt hold them up anymore the weight was too much so i was left crushed on the floor. Basically the story goes like this. One of my closest mates he is usualy quite caring and emotional, and ive always been there for him. Lately ive been showing him alot of love, because he is on a 10 week holiday, and miss him dearly. Though lately he has been acting cocky and self centred, trying to potray the image of "IM SO COOL AND YOU LOVE ME". I ignored it hoping it would soon disapear, thinking maybe this is a little stage he is going through in his life. This morning i went up to him on msn as usual... to have a chat, where i soon was faced with not my close friend but a boy who made no sense in what he was saying.  He rambled on about how i need to RELAX and how i need a boyfriend. Honestly where did that come up from!? I need a boyfriend:S the conversation wasnt even about boys. Then he rambled on about how i hurt his cousin (who is my ex FROM A YEAR AGO!) and that i hurt him because i was too concerned about my HSC. Yes i was concerned about my HSC, i didnt come to life to serve his cousin, I came to achieve, to live, and to learn. He brought up topics from a year ago. Its like he thought he had this power to insult me, my closest friend who had never hurt me, turned into someone i didnt even recognise. I said sorry, i said i dont want to fight, and i ended it on a good note, so that i wouldnt have to deal with it. I soon realised, i showed him that i cared for him too much, so he thought he had the consent to make me feel like shit yet id still be there for him. I shouldnt of told him i miss him because he is away. And now im confused, what is friendship meant to be, if so many people abuse the love you give? I thought friendship was about being there for one another, and showing that you care. Was i wrong? Am i wrong? So i have also decided never to show anyone how much i care about them again, never to say i love you, never to make it clear to them ill be there at the end of the day. Might as well just be a heartless bitch. They seem to be liked alot.

I havent been on for 1 day? 2 days? I cant even remember. I just needed some time away from everything. I was just watching this movie and it had all this vintage stuff, and i have an obsession with vintage so im going maniac, and i have decided to turn my room into a vintage room! I wish i could design vintage clothing, because i have also an obsession with fashion and wearing expensive vintage clothing. Vintagey dresses are like gold to me. (The lyrics are from the song 'Been too Long - Emmy Rossum')



That was then
But the time has come and gone
Nothing left but a broken story



Can't erase
Nothing that we can say now
Can get back what we gave up
That was then
This is now
It's been too long

  

Drifting like the falling snow
Around us
But than a
Winters chill blew through your heart



Mistakes that we made
We know we can't change
The scilence
Was so hard
But I'm stronger for it



The way you pulled me closer
Nothing else existed
In the world we lived in
We didn't
See the storm was comming closer...
 
 
 

 
I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you - Grease


the stars in the sky are changing
and the earth beneath my feet moves
the situations changin me
and its all because of you -burhan G


you lovin it hurts me
but at the same time i need it
the feelin scares me
but no drug could ever be there
because its so bittersweet - Burhan G

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